I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
