oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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