Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
