I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
