My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
