She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
