her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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