I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
