porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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