I wannas sexs uuuuu
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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