I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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