You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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