I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
