So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
