Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
