did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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