on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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