He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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