a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
