Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
