I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
