He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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