look no pants
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
