She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
