I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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