just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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