Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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