It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
