piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
