You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
