So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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