That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
