I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
