My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
