Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
