New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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