Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
