I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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