I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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