its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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