I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
