I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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