I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
