I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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