After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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