Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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