i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
