We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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