What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
