when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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